Hypochondria

Now that we are almost two weeks into the school year, I have noticed and tracked a very consistent pattern in Cael's morning routine.  He gets up (far too early for a five year-old) and sneaks around the house to locate any of several handheld devices to work in a secretive game of Temple Run.  He eats breakfast, puts on clothes and then changes his clothes after I catch him wearing Graham's clothes and not wearing clean underpants.  And after teeth are brushed and shoes are on, it begins. 

"Mom, my stomach hurts!  It's so terrible, I think I can't go to school!"

"I think my foot is broken!  I had better not go to school or the doctor because I can't wear shoes.  I should probably just sit on the couch."

"Mommy, my skin is turning green on my back.  I don't think I should be around the other school kids.  But you won't even be able to see it because it you don't have it.  You are so lucky."

The onslaught of faux illnesses is a new phenomenon this year, and one I'm sure he learned at school while he was busy avoiding Shingles or attending a seminar about the tragedy of Lou Gehrig's disease.  But the most confusing aspect for me is that Cael loves school, wants to go every day, and knows with absolute certainty that his ploy won't work.  I am hypothesizing that another boy in his class, an unfortunate soul who was stricken down with Gout, spent one day at home on the sofa watching tv and eating ice cream, and returned to school to tell the tale of his relaxing morning away from school.  I'm sure they all pooled their piggy bank change to raise money for Multiple Personality Disorder research.

I hope Cael will be quick to drop this new scheme and that Graham won't pick up the habit himself.  I simply don't have the energy to battle them day in and day out.  In fact, I feel a little achy and the soles of my feet feel hot...