Product Placement

Dear Mr. Clean Magic Eraser Miracle Worker People,

I'm writing today to profess my undying appreciation for your amazing product.  I've used the tiny little block of hope in my home for many years, but in the last week I found that its uses extend far beyond removing everyday scuffs and minimal clean-up.

My love for the eraser began to grow when my oldest son, Cael, decided that my bedroom wall, while nicely painted in a warm beige tone, was lacking in interest and decided to create an illustration of a monster or some kind of demon in lead pencil.  I was incredibly relieved to see that your magic eraser easily cleaned up the terrifying creature, but sadly was unable to remove the look of smug accomplishment from my son's face.  Future product, perhaps?

As if my heart hadn't already been won over, I turned to your product a few days later when I didn't feel like engaging in a battle of wills with my children.  For two boys that have no opinion whatsoever about their wardrobe choices, they both will nearly spontaneously combust at the mere suggestion that they wear their dressier brown shoes rather than their worn-in sneakers.  That day, however, those sneakers were covered in mud and quite possibly, dog poop, and with only three minutes before school was to begin, I grabbed your eraser in a last-ditch effort to clean the dirty sneakers.  I was shocked at the transformation of the shoes and was incredibly grateful not to have to replace the fire extinguishers in my home.  Kudos to you.

Shortly before I planned to pen this letter, I was forced to put your "rectangles of awe" to the test.  As I placed lunch in front of my children, I noticed that my youngest, Graham, was covered in a blue mystery substance.  Upon further inspection, I determined that the substance was actually blue Sharpie marker that was smeared all over his hands, arms and shirt.  Immediately, I rushed to the office where the marker had been stored, only to find a crime scene worthy of a "Saw" film.  Blue permanent marker was scribbled all over the floor mat, desk, walls, bookshelf, printer and most regrettably, my iMac keyboard.  An internet search yielded several suggested methods for removing the ink, however the vinegar, aerosol cleaner, rubbing alcohol and q-tips only managed to smear the stain around so that many of the keys were illegible.   

I was an angry, Sharpie-covered mess. 

Suddenly, I remembered my previous successes with your product and decided to make one last-ditch effort to return my keyboard to its former glory by scrubbing it with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.  Within minutes, every bit of blue horror was extracted from my home office and trapped within the spongey confines of your white eraser.  All that remained was a smear of blue on my dropped jaw that I left behind as a reminder of this chilling episode in my life.

I'm not sure how you created this masterpiece.  I don't know if a random collection of chemicals collided in a divine "accident", just like the creation of the universe, only in a Procter & Gamble laboratory.  Perhaps you all sold your souls to the apocalyptic creature my son scribbled on the wall for the recipe to a miracle product that could rid the world of all dirt and dust-related imperfections.  Whatever the explanation, I owe you a giant, eraser-loving thank you.

One cut into the shape of a heart.  A heart that cleaned my scissors in the process. 

Yours truly,
Mary Foreman