MENSA Bound

I go through most of my days hoping for a really minimal amount of success.  Did I remember to feed my children today?  When was the last time I saw the dog?  Did I just step in water or pee?  (Please God, let it be pee!  I can't afford another house flood!)

But every once in a while, I have a moment of pure brilliance.  A moment where my education outshines my flightiness and I rush to the phone to call MENSA and seek admission amongst their elite ranks. 

For me, this happened a few months ago when the snow finally melted and we crept back into our motorhome to assess its condition and readiness for the summer camping season.  It held up well over the winter, save for one resourceful mouse that found a warm kitchen drawer to call home, and a section of flooring around the door that was beginning to break down and would soon need to be replaced.  We found a carpet specialist who agreed to work in the cramped quarters of the motorhome, and as we discussed some basic renovations, my genius began to show itself.

I could see the big picture; wood flooring, neutral furniture, and a cool color palette with red accents that would reference the retro, classic feel that has become synonymous with Airstream.  And although the process was anything but easy, I was excited to see that the vision I'd had for the vehicle was coming to fruition.  I wanted to text a picture to the folks at MENSA and share my victory with them.  I was sure they'd be so appreciative.

But after all of the fixtures were replaced, carpet torn out and paneling banished, we were still left with a plethora of purpley/mauve-ish curtains that simply didn't mesh with our more modern design.  (I'm sorry if you rock the granny aesthetic... it's just not our thing.)  We didn't have the funds to buy new custom curtains and we certainly weren't going to live with them in their original hue, so there was only one option. 

I would dye them.  Except I'd be so awesome at it that they'd say I killed 'em.

We considered a lot of colors, but in the end decided to do something a little daring and make them black.  Not only would it be effective in blocking out the early morning sun, but black would likely be the best option for ensuring that all eight thousand curtain panels looked evenly dyed.  We purchased the bottles and there they sat, on the laundry room counter that I successfully painted in another moment of inspiration.  And sat.  And sat.

In fact, they sat for over two months until yesterday, when, in an unexpected burst of motivation, I decided to knock them out.  I filled a large plastic storage bin with water, the dye and half of the curtains, and agitated the fabric until it was time to rinse and wring them out.  Unfortunately, the wringing process was long, exhausting and painful for my back after leaning over the now-stained utility sink for an hour.  But even my resulting inability to look anywhere but the floor was worth it since I knew it would be great practice for a lifetime of looking down on people that were intellectually inferior to me and my vast artistic accomplishments.

But, despite my confidence, as I placed the the uniformly colored and saturated fabric panels into the dryer, I felt that MENSA might be rejecting my application after all.

Maybe it is because I forgot to wear gloves.