The Money Pit

Did you ever see the movie "The Money Pit"?  In it, Tom Hanks and Shelley Long buy a dilapidated mansion in the hopes of fixing it up, only to find that it is a lost cause.  Throughout their efforts, they manage to lose most of their money, a great deal of their sanity and eventually, their relationship.

If you haven't watched it, you really should.  But the problem is that it was made in 1986, three years after I was born, effectively making it "vintage" and not available almost anywhere.

But guess what?  It's being remade in Iowa-- right here in my house.

Come on over, but do it at your own risk.  Everything's falling apart here. 

We are in the middle of a crazy heat streak, with every day reaching nearly 100 degrees and a heat index only a few degrees shy of the surface of the sun. 

Because my kids are fair-skinned like me, they burn to an oiled crisp after only a few moments in the summer sun and because they are wimpy like me, they wilt and melt into a quivering puddle if not stabilized by artificial arctic air from May to September.  So guess what happened yesterday?

Our air conditioner quit.  Still want to come over?

I thought about having a brief memorial service for it like I did with my beloved iMac, but as I drafted a eulogy, I realized that it was less than glowing.

"For four years I knew and tolerated 'Super High Efficiency 9000' as it struggled to cool our home.  The glory of the warm summer sun was repeatedly tarnished by its costly repairs, darkened by handing over money that could have been applied toward the repair of any of the other dysfunctional appliances in our home that, despite their misbehavior, didn't threaten our health or well-being.  As its health waxed and waned, my patience with its antics diminished until June 28th, 2012, when its manipulative battle came to end, alone and sweltering in the sun."

Decidedly not glowing.


But the fact remains that I can't hold it against the unit too much, because it's in my house's DNA to fall to pieces.  Even before our furnace surrendered last December, it was preceded in death by our refrigerator, microwave, oven, dishwasher, washing machine, dryer and water softener.  Even just last week, our hall bathroom flooded, making that event the 13th time a part of our home was submerged in water not at the hands of my sons, two stacking buckets and an open toilet.

So say a little prayer for us this weekend that "SHE9000" rallies and cools our home like the steely chambers of its icy heart. 

I don't think the dog (or this money pit) can take any more.