Book Report

Once upon a time, in a land not at all far away, I loved to read for fun.  I read classics, I read "chick" books, I read books recommended by Oprah and loathed by the employees of Barnes and Noble.  I judged books by their covers and trusted my friends when they recommended books with cartoon covers.

It was never as easy as just reading, however.  If I liked the story, despite the confusing timeline or awkward writing style of the author, I couldn't put it down.  I read during meals.  I read before bed.  I read in the bathtub and occasionally dropped the book in the water.  I splayed the book out on the heating vents and said "it was like that" when I returned it to the library.

And then I got pregnant.

At first I read as much, if not more, than I did before, although more of it took place on the toilet as I peed for the fourth, fifth, sixth time that hour.  I read about birth defects and prolapsed umbilical cords and preterm labor.  I laid awake at night more terrified than when I read all of the Goosebumps books as a little girl.

Cael at 2 months

But when the baby was born, I read nothing.  Well, almost nothing.  I did some very scholarly research on concussions and traumatic brain injuries when Cael fell off of the bed at three months old.  Physically, he was okay, but as far as his personality and social intelligence being damaged?    

The verdict is still out.

Other than that brief literary adventure, I read nothing.  But let's be honest-- baby kisses trump novels.  As Cael began to sleep through the night, I began to read more.  "The Kite Runner"... "She's Come Undone"... "Confessions of a Shopaholic"... (don't judge)...

And then one day, my nephew Ethan recommended I read "The Hunger Games."  I knew it was a young-adult fiction book and mentally listed it under the heading of "stuff I might read when I don't want to think very hard", the same list where I'd recently crossed off the shopaholic book when I finished in the bathtub one day, sans water damage.

Cael reading at 1 1/2

But Ethan said something very prophetic.  "You'll really like it, but you'll never put it down." 

Truer words have never been spoken.

I have to admit to feeling a little sheepish when I bought the book at Walmart the next day.  But given the fact that I was also purchasing toddler-sized underpants and a large jar of mayonnaise, I figured the book was the least of my concerns.  I took it home that night and began to read it at 10:00pm when I got into bed.  At 2:00am, book one of the Hunger Games was done.

I forced myself to wait before purchasing book two, "Catching Fire".  I didn't want to blow through that one as quickly and have to deal with the aftermath of two night with only a few hours of sleep.  So I waited two days, and started in on chapter one around 9:00am.  By early evening, I closed the cover.  I did manage to feed the children during that time, but I must confess to having no clue what took place during that time.  Did they watch television?  Did they go outside?  Did they both "whip it out" and swordfight over the toilet?  I guess that's between them and God.  Maybe I'll run upstairs and ask Jesus if he took any notes from that day.

After such a reading binge, I made a promise to myself that I would wait until April to buy the last book.  For the first time ever, I was frustrated that I didn't have a Kindle or other device to provide me with an instant Hunger Games fix.  My position has always been that I love the nostalgia and tactile experience of holding the book and smelling its pages as I read.  But I think I could trade it all to snuggle in a cave with Peeta.  And a Kindle.

I swear I'm happily married.  And I swear I'm not 14.

Amazingly, I was able to keep my promise.  I waited until yesterday to bring home "Mockingjay", and although I haven't opened it yet, it is calling to me from within the shiny blue cover, which I plan to ransack this afternoon.

If you've read the books, you understand.  And if you haven't, you really should.  But clear your calendar or you'll forget to go to bed, go to work, or even eat.

May the odds be ever in your favor...