In Plain Sight

You know the kind of day that has you looking at the clock every five minutes, willing it to be bedtime?  It goes like this.

Is it 8:00 yet?
2:33pm.  Crap.

I feel like I'm not only waist-deep in one of those days, or weeks, rather, but I think this just might be an is-it-over-yet kind of year.  While I must admit that Cael's behavior has improved lately (although incrementally), I also have to admit that Graham has been letting his "terrible two" flag fly. 

And man, oh man, is he patriotic.

It's like a switch was flipped inside his brain.  If I didn't know any better, I'd guess that he was menopausal, violently swinging from one emotional extreme to the next.  He's also stripping off his pants at every opportunity which I'm guessing is the result of a hot flash of some sort.

While he is an equal-opportunity tantrum-thrower and will execute a perfect meltdown in any environment, Graham's specialty is to erupt in anger right before we are ready to go somewhere.  Anywhere, really.  And if he knows that we are about to depart the house, the only hope for success is distraction. 

Sometimes a snack will work.

Sometimes a toy will work.

As Cael learned, smacking him on top of the head with a metal fireplace tool will NEVER work.

But thankfully, playing "hide and seek" will ALWAYS work.

So last week, as we were waiting for our day care friend to be picked up and for us to head out for dinner, I saw the look of terror coming over Graham's face.  I grabbed his bio-identical hormones and offered up the idea of playing "hide and seek" in an effort to offset the inevitable.

When the boys play the game amongst themselves, there seem to be two unwritten rules.  First, when one hides, he must make as much noise as possible and eliminate the element of surprise.  Second, and most importantly, they must hide in the same spot.  Every.  Single.  Time.

To switch things up, I offered to hide and let them find me, thinking that my size would limit my potential hiding spots so considerably that the game would be easy and over quickly.  I was wrong.  Perhaps it is the hormones, but both Graham and Cael seemed completely oblivious to my presence as they trotted around the living room and kitchen, often passing right by me.

I started in the closet, but that was way too hard.  I had to act as my very own homing beacon and emit tiny "psst!" sounds to clue them in to my whereabouts.  

Next I tried hiding behind the open front door.  The window was at a perfect level for me to watch as the dog and cat both tried to rat me out, but neither boy seemed to notice.

Perhaps I was trying too hard.  I moved the boys' toy basket and crammed myself into a tiny space below our bookshelves.  Surely they would see me immediately when they came out of the bathroom, where they were counting.

"One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Seven, Ten, Eleventeen!  Ready or not, here we are!"

Nothing.

Joel and I had a hard time keeping a straight face as the boys would look right in my direction and then ask if I was in the oven.  If my pasty-white hands weren't noticeable in the crawlspace, surely my entire body would be noticeable... on the counter?

While the boys counted, I practiced my planking and awaited the giggles I'd hear from Cael and Graham as they discovered my silly positioning.  But the only giggles I heard were coming from Joel, since the boys did not see me, even at point-blank range.  In fact, it seemed like the more obvious my hiding spot, the harder I was to find.

When I jumped down from the counter, the boys' faces were priceless.  And even though they didn't find me without hints from Mommy and Daddy, we had a good time and Graham hardly noticed that our friend had been picked up and the shoes were begin gathered in preparation for our departure. 

"Okay, Graham!  It's time to go!"

"NOOOOO!"

If you need me, I'll be hiding on the counter...