A "Tourette" of Words

Before I even begin this post, which, like all others, paints a picture of my boys that seems so outrageous that it must be invented or embellished, let me assure you that every word I've shared in all of my posts is true.  Cael and Graham are much stranger than fiction, and I couldn't invent two less predictable characters.

Is that settled?  Good, now on to poop.  Eh-- not poop specifically, but rather my son's inability to control his mouth.  In my home, we are involved in a war of words, and the words in question are undeniably naughty.  What is it about being three (or 13, for that matter) that causes a child to seek out the things that he/she knows will most consistently get him/her into trouble?

It all began with "stupid".  There is a vague category of words that are not truly "profane" but that fall more accurately under the heading of "Stuff My Kid is Too Cute and Too Young to Say", and this is where "stupid" resides.  There are a lot of other tenants in Vague-ville, and those are the hardest things to keep my boys from saying because they are socially acceptable and widely used.  How do I keep Cael from telling Graham he's stupid when Shrek says it?  (Or worse, when other three year-olds say it.)

Cael, being exceptional as he is, couldn't just say the naughty words.  That's too simple.  He has to create a new dimension to his naughtiness, and in this case he has chosen the element of surprise.  Or maybe he's just got a strong spirit of spontaneity, but seriously, kid.  Fly a kite on a whim, don't yell "Stinky POOP! in the check-out line at Target.  They don't sell it there.

And that's exactly what it's like.  In the car.  At the store.  At church.  At home.  Alone in his room.  At a restaurant.  In the doctor's office.  At a friend's house.  WHEREVER WE ARE.

"Poop!"  

"Stinky diapers!"  

 "Nipples!"  Yes, really.

"Yucky bottoms and smelly trash cans!"  Now he's getting desperate.

"Dirty dogs and toots and a smelly potty with broccoli and peas!"

The bizarre tirade flows out like a stereotypical case of Tourette's on television-- seemingly uncontrollable and wholly unexpected.  He weaves together a web of bathroom references, vegetables he doesn't want to eat (and therefore must be naughty) and a while host of other things that he has deemed inappropriate enough to share with the general public.  These outbursts are random and are often accompanied by his new favorite question,

"What's that awful smell?!"  

He never asks this when we're alone, or when there really is an awful smell.  No, he reserves this gem for when we're alongside the cart of an elderly woman, or when our dinners are just being set on the table at a nice restaurant.  Yes, Cael is so exceptional that he can assess any situation and gauge how badly his outburst will embarrass me.  And he's ready to go pro. 

NIPPLES!

Two can play at that game...